Finding Dave deFreese

 

A man that hath friends

must shew himself friendly:

and there is a friend

that sticketh closer than a brother.

                                    -- Proverbs 18:24

           

 

My old school chum John McGill is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. As a child and a teenager, he had a lot of success in school, a lot of interests, and a lot of friends. He grew up in one of those all-American families: a great mom, a great dad, and two nice younger brothers. In fact, his only regret seems to be that his "little" brother Biff is now 6'6" and a real "beast" - so John wishes he hadn't hung him on the doorknob by his Fruit of the Looms so much when he was a young boy.

 

 

John doing one of his favorite hobbies.

 

 

We went our separate ways for many years, but recently reconnected on Facebook. Since then, we have discovered something else that we have in common: both of our moms are fighting cancer. His mother, age 81, is taking chemotherapy for stomach cancer here in Omaha. John, who lives in Michigan, has been flying in to be with her as much as he can this autumn.

 

In a blog he set up for her friends and family to keep tabs on her treatment and "pray her through," he writes with warmth and honesty about the faith and fears that are so much a part of anyone's journey through cancer. He was not surprised to find how much his mother has remained in character throughout her ordeal.

 

For example, his dad calls her chemo center the "Sorority House." John was honored to go with his mom for treatment and meet her "sorority sisters" - the patients and medical workers who are going through this together, and who have been touched so much by his mom and vice versa.

 

The receptionist didn't just greet her; she threw her arms around her. The doctor didn't just talk with her about her medical situation; they exchanged cute anecdotes about their families. His mom knits and has made countless baby blankets for orphans and others; one of the other patients who is unable to knit any more still delights in finding yarn on sale and often gives John's mom a laundry tote-sized supply, to share in the fun.

 

The sense of community was strong. John could tell it was helping his mom cope, and that she was helping others even more, just by being her friendly self.

 

    

 

John has watched his mother go through life making instant friends with everybody she meets, learning their names and their life stories. So it's not surprising to see her keeping up that lifelong habit despite her medical challenges. He says, "Chemo stinks - but it provides yet another opportunity for Mom to connect with others, demonstrate her faith, and show compassion to strangers."

 

That's the good news. The BAD news is, she has hit that chemo wall.

 

During John's last visit, last weekend, she was very, very sick. She slept through most of the weekend and was unable to talk much with John. She won't be allowed to have many visitors in the coming weeks because of the chance of infection.

 

She has voiced her main concern - that she not be a burden to her husband, family and friends - very common and admirable in those with a serious illness. The world has gone upside down for this feisty prayer warrior, who is usually the one doing the ferocious prayer for others, John says.

 

In his blog, John writes this poignant note:

 

"Note to self: 'The way to love someone is to realize you could lose them tomorrow.'"

 

So it was with a lot of tenderness mixed in with fatigue and maybe some fear that he sat in Omaha's airport after his last visit, with a few minutes to spare before his flight home to Michigan.

 

            Even though he's a sophisticated, hard-working businessman, he has a strong Christian faith. Even though he must've been exhausted, he still wanted to use his time thoughtfully for his mom. So as he sat there and waited, he put in a little quiet prayer time. He thought of all the people who were praying for his mom, grateful for their efforts. But, I suspect, his mind started casting about for some more prayer warriors upon whom he could call. You know how it is when a loved one is really, really sick: you pull out all the stops.

 

            Well, his thoughts turned to another old school chum, David deFreese, who had become a Lutheran pastor and is now the bishop of the Nebraska district of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. His dad had been a beloved, longtime pastor in Nebraska, too. Like John, Dave had been one of the nicest guys in our class. Now he was a big shot in the church! Sitting right up there in the VIP section, prayer-wise!

 

What a good friend to touch base with at a time like this, John thought. So he turned on his laptop and started Googling numerous websites, trying to find a phone number or email address for his old friend.

 

Because of his prominent church position, Dave had quite a few mentions online. But try as he might, John couldn't find any contact information for him. He searched through website after website, but couldn't find a way to get in touch with Dave. He was disappointed. Dave would be such a strong ally during this tough time. What a shame he couldn't find him.

 

 

 

Lutheran Bishop David deFreese

 

 

Just then, John heard a familiar voice directly behind him. His jaw dropped. He turned and looked. You guessed it: it was Rev. deFreese, talking on his cell phone, RIGHT behind him.

 

Found him, after all!

 

John tells it this way:

 

"Unfortunately, we didn't have time for anything other than a bear hug and business card exchange. He was going to Memphis and I was off to Detroit. Three minutes more and we would have missed each other. He had a good laugh when he looked at my laptop and saw his own picture on the screen - a 'God Moment,' he called it.  What are the chances?"

 

            Well, John, knowing you both, I'd say the chances were 100%. The Lord would certainly want two of the nicest guys in the world, both of whom are living lives that honor Him, to be blessed by this outrageous "God-incidence." He would never let you down.

 

            What a friend we have in Jesus! How close He is to us, throughout each day, all the time!

 

Remember that, John. He is there for your mother in that "Sorority House" through chemo even when you can't be. And He was right there with you in that lonely airport seat, responding immediately and unmistakeably to your pain and need to connect.

 

He was right there for you, too, Bishop Dave, if you ever have the shadow of a doubt that maybe your hard work in the ministry isn't worth it. I hope you have these encouraging "God Moments" all the time.

 

            We're glad you found each other, guys, and can stay close through this trial.

 

When you live a life that keeps Jesus close, He stays close . . . closer than your oldest friends, closer than a brother . . . as close as right inside your heart. †