The Feel Club

 

But whoso shall offend one of these little ones

which believe in me,

it were better for him that a millstone

were hanged about his neck,

and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

                                    -- Matthew 18:6

 

 

The homosexual pedophile scandal in the Penn State football program has knocked me on my knees. I'm praying for our world in general and for those victims in particular. But I'm also giving thanks to the Lord that I came from a family that taught me how NOT to be helpless - how to value myself enough to stay aware, and NOT get victimized.

 

I can remember my dad walking my sister and me down our quiet suburban street as he explained that there were bad guys in the world who might try to touch us or grab us in ways they shouldn't. He didn't go into any gory details, but we knew basically what he was warning against. I felt so loved and cared for.

 

He taught us that if some boy or man ever tried to touch us where our swimsuits usually covered, we were to knee him in the groin, hard . . . and run away.

 

Dad demonstrated. My sister and I practiced it, with zeal, on imaginary targets, as we walked along. My knee launched upwards with nuclear-powered force. I would've kneed any groper's groin to the MOON!!!

 

I was ready, willing, and able to protect myself. And then, of course, the need never arose. But that's OK. In fact, that's great.

 

I'm one of the vast majority of people in this mostly beautiful world, who have never had to deal with any kind of physical or sexual abuse, harassment, assault . . . nothing like that. THANK YOU, GOD! But I know some people who've gone through those forever-scarring horrors - rape, domestic violence, incest, and all the sordid rest. Nothing makes me more furious than to hear about children who have suffered abuse.

 

I admire parents who carefully instruct their children how to protect themselves. It makes all the difference in the world. If someone cares enough about you to help you anticipate what could go wrong, and how to respond so that you aren't harmed, it's a tremendous boost to your self-esteem.

 

I think a lot of the broken and chaotic families in today's world aren't doing that for children. Sadly, it shows in the abuse and neglect statistics. We have too many victims, and not enough people doing everything they can to promote prevention.

 

Let's celebrate all those families which do fulfill this basic task, though. They really are all around.

 

One of Maddy's little preschool friends, Andrew, was obviously in that category. He was a somber, responsible 4-year-old with enormous blue eyes. One day, he was telling me a long story about how he would get in a car with his mommy, and he would get in a car with his auntie, and he would even get in a car with me . . . but he would never, ever, ever get in a car with somebody he didn't know, no matter how nice they were, because they would be a . . .

 

. . . SSSTTTRRRAAANNNGGGEEERRR!!!!!

 

You have never heard an English vocabulary word pronounced with such intensity and drama. His voice dripped with dread and antagonism. Wow! I told his mom that Andrew had a future as a prosecuting attorney . . . or maybe the host of the late-night TV horror flicks.

 

No need to worry about Andrew. He's the type who can protect himself, always looking out for others, too. That's good parenting.

 

Besides diligent parents, isn't it great to know that there are many teachers looking out for kids who are being victimized, too? The more school sex abuse cases that come to the fore, the more teachers are learning about detection and prevention. They want to protect kids and keep their profession pristine. So it's good. Educators see kids every day, so they can develop perspective over time, recognize the symptoms of abuse, and tap into their sixth sense - that intuitive flash when you just know something must be wrong.

 

I'm glad Nebraska has a mandatory reporting law about this. If a teacher, doctor or other youth-serving professional has a reasonable suspicion that a child might be suffering abuse or neglect, and they don't report it, it's a crime.

 

But one time, that law almost gave me a heart attack.

 

See, our third daughter, Eden - nicknamed "Beamer" because she smiles all the time, like a sunbeam - had the world's most enthusiastic and loving kindergarten teacher. Beamer was flourishing in the busy, colorful kindergarten program under this master teacher's energetic programming.

 

 

That's Beamer on the right, earlier this year with a friend . . . still beaming!

 

 

Back when she was 5 or 6 and in kindergarten, she was already reading, was writing amazing and imaginative stories, loved her classmates, and bounced home from school every day with a happy smile and lots of engaging chatter.

 

Her dad and I looked forward to the spring parent-teacher conference, and finally, the day arrived. We came in and sat down in those itty, bitty chairs.

 

But what was this? The wonderful teacher across the table was silent and unsmiling - highly uncharacteristic. What?!? We were confused. Was Beamer in some kind of trouble? With as well as we thought Beamer was doing in school, the teacher's cool demeanor was totally unexpected.

 

Then the teacher leaned forward, and with a highly apologetic and yet gravely concerned facial expression, she said:

 

"I am required by law to ask you something. I really hope that with your answer you can clear up what may very well be a misunderstanding and a false impression."

 

(HEART ATTACK!!!!! HEART ATTACK!!!!)

 

She continued: "Beamer says that you take her to something called 'The Feel Club.' That sounds like some kind of perverted sexual abuse ring. She says there are other children and adults there. Sometimes she takes off her clothes there, and sometimes she doesn't. She always gets a root-beer float if she's 'good.'

 

"But she's not showing any symptoms of abuse. She's the happiest, most productive student in the class. I can't BELIEVE you could be mixed up in something like this.

 

"What IS this thing you take her to, called 'The Feel Club'?"

 

(LAUGH ATTACK!!!!! LAUGH ATTACK!!!!!)

 

We exploded with relief and laughter. We quickly explained.

 

It's the FIELD Club!

 

Our country club! It's where we golf and swim!

 

It's not "The Feel Club." It's the Fiel-DDDDDD Club!

 

Beamer may take off her clothes there . . . if she's changing into her swimming suit in the girls' locker room!

 

She often gets a root beer float at the snack shop after swimming!

 

The only groping that goes on is if she can't find her towel and has chlorine in her eyes!

 

 

The grand old Field Club of Omaha . . . not really a pervert hangout!

 

 

The Fiel-DDDDDD Club is a really historic, classy old country club. We don't belong there any more, but at the time, Beamer's dad was club president, and I was always taking our daughters there for Junior Golf, swim team, swimming play dates, the annual Easter egg roll on the front lawn, the annual brunch with Santa, sledding on those great fairway hills in the wintertime . . .

 

. . . totally wholesome and family-friendly fun! Not at all what the teacher was imagining - which we could only imagine - and thank God, it was only imaginary!

 

A good, hearty laugh was had by all. No report was turned in to the D.A. We didn't have to take a lie detector test. We didn't get our mugshots in the paper. We all lived happily ever after.

 

But you know what? We told that teacher that we were GLAD she had the guts to ask, and clear things up.

 

Would that everybody who connects with children would be diligent like that . . . to bravely err on the side of caution . . . to risk embarrassment and all the problems that might ensue if you guess wrong . . . and yet still have the common sense to give the parents the benefit of the doubt.

 

Wish that spirit of child protection had been around at Penn State before anything bad happened to any child . . .

 

. . . because we want every child to be in the real Feel Club - a club where every child enjoys the innocence and delight of childhood . . . a club where every child can enjoy the birthright feelings of love, joy, peace, hope, worth, safety and security. †