Safe Haven

 

But if any provide not for his own,

and specially for those of his own house,

he hath denied the faith,

and is worse than an infidel.

                                    -- 1 Timothy 5:8

 

 

            My dad was a hilarious guy, but also a dedicated disciplinarian. Those two traits dovetailed nicely with the fact that we grew up a few miles from the world-famous Boys Town, then on the outskirts of Omaha.

 

That's where kids went when their families couldn't take care of them any more. We imagined that they wore rags, choked down cold gruel and beets at mealtime, had rocks and sticks for toys, and, like, only could get The Weather Channel on TV.

 

So one time, when we four kids were being particularly mischievous, and Mom had called in "The Big Guns" - Dad -- he packed us all into the family car for a Sunday drive. Where did we go? Around and around Boys Town.

 

We all laughed at his choice of destination. But he made his point.

 

I firmly believe the vast majority of parents are like him: promise-keepers and child-protectors, with parenthood as a top priority, who would die before they would ever abandon their children. But we all read the news. Parental failure and child abandonment seem to be on the rise.

 

You do have to blame divorce, addictions, maybe the current tough economy, and most of all, the soul-crushing, God-denying culture, for a lot of it. But even though we are far better off materially than ever before in human history, it does appear as though more parents are neglecting their parental responsibilities than ever before.

 

            For example, this week marks the one-year anniversary of the Von Maur mall massacre here in Omaha. See below for a note on my response to that. I'm not judging or blaming the shooter's parents. But the fact remains that they were divorced and remarried and their households were somewhat chaotic,  according to newspaper reports; he was a teenage dropout kicked out of his home and living with friends with questionable adult supervision; he was on drugs; couldn't hold a job; had access to weapons; inspired fear in people around him, and just about his last words were that his life was worthless.

 

            On top of that is the way Nebraska has been making national news lately with our "Safe Haven" law. Under it, parents can permanently unload their minor children to the State, at designated spots, and receive legal amnesty from child abandonment penalties. Dozens of children were thus dumped in recent weeks, many of them in their teens, and most with mental-health problems. In response to that shocking and unexpected development, the State Legislature recently restricted the law's provisions to infancy, to match other states' laws. But the sad, sorry story has really put bad parenting in the spotlight around here.

 

This is NEBRASKA?!?!? And THIS is going on?!?!? It's a struggle to remember that the VAST majority of parents do NOT quit caring for their own kids.

 

            It's also important to keep a keen perspective. Take the Depression, for instance. There's a true story out of neighboring Council Bluffs, Iowa, that reminds me that parents who provide a safe haven for their children are the rule, and parents who would resort to the drastic step of abandoning their children are the rare and shocking aberration.

 

            It was the 1930s, and times were tough - tougher than now. But one hard-working young couple both had held onto jobs. Their home was immaculate; their children were growing up in security. While they were far from rich, compared to lots of people back then, they were doing OK.

 

           

 

One night, they were all inside when they heard a strange noise on their front porch. The mom went out to investigate. It was a baby girl, about two months old, wrapped in a dirty pink blanket, crying.

 

            A foundling!

 

            Apparently, the parent or parents had become financially desperate. They had seen the well-kept house and decided the people inside must be financially well-off. It was a stark reality . . . a sign of the times. Obviously, allowing the abandonment to take place was not in this child's best interest.

 

            The mom hustled her own two children to bed, and cleaned up the baby, cuddling and rocking her. Clued in by the conspicuous smell of beer on the baby's blanket, the dad hustled down to the neighborhood bar, about three blocks away, and made inquiries. Sure enough, everybody in there knew whose baby she was.

 

            Before the night was over, the baby was back in her real mother's arms, the real parents had received a pep talk and some financial aid, no police or social service agencies were involved, and as far as anybody knows, they all lived happily ever after. And we can only hope and pray that girl never knew what happened that night.

 

            Even though it was nearly 75 years ago, it provides good lessons for today:

 

• Make your own home a safe haven for your own family.

 

• Be ready to share whatever excess you have, of money and wisdom and encouragement.

 

• And if a case of parental failure comes around you, whether it's in the newspaper columns or on your own front porch, respond immediately, and firmly but lovingly point those parents to the right way.

 

            As another Advent season begins, let's think about the Christmas child - another unexpected and inconvenient baby who came at what seemed like the wrong place at the wrong time. Let's think about how Joseph stepped up to the plate and took care of Him. It would have been easy to walk away. But Joseph was determined to be a safe haven. Look at the ripple effect of his choice for all of us, down through time.

 

May it be that way with each of us . . . 'til we reach the one true safe haven, embraced by the one Perfect Parent. He came that first Christmas to prove that love is real, He hears our cries and comforts our fears, and no matter what, He is with us, our protector and promise-keeper, forever and always. †

 

 

 

Marking this first Sunday in Advent, please join me in supporting a worthwhile cause that could go a long way toward preventing child abuse and neglect, and help "borderline" parents do a better job of coping. Let's help fund scholarships to Common Sense Parenting classes for struggling parents in inner-city Omaha.

 

Donations of any size can come through my new nonprofit corporation, After School Treats, Inc., P.O. Box 995, Elkhorn, NE 68022. It should have 501(c)(3) status in time for 2009 tax filings. You will receive a confirmation letter for your files.

 

Please come to my education websites, www.ShowandTellforParents.com and www.AfterSchoolTreats.com, and see Mini-Grant #5 in the upper right-hand corner.

 

I launched www.AfterSchoolTreats.com, full of free enrichment activities for kids,

this past year in memory of the Von Maur shooting victims. The website's goal to help every child develop creativity and academic skills while having fun in the out-of-school hours. For low-income children, I'm starting a mini-grant fund to make enrichment experiences possible for them, too. I want every child to discover gifts and talents, and develop positive life directions and goals. I never want to hear another young person claim that his or her life is worthless, as the Von Maur shooter claimed.

 

Send a note with your donation for the parenting classes if it is OK to list your name here, or if you would prefer to remain anonymous.

 

For more information about the classes, see:

 

www.boystown.org/parents/classes/csp.asp