Wacky New Year's Resolutions

 

For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink;

but righteousness, and peace,

and joy in the Holy Ghost.

For he that in these things serveth Christ is acceptable to God,

and approved of men.

Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace,

and things wherewith one may edify another.

-- Romans 14:17-19

 

 

I got inspired for an offbeat New Year's Resolution this year by a neat book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (New York: Harper, 2011). She includes all kinds of often overlooked, but highly valuable, tips for making the most of your life, your love, and your purpose.

 

Please get that book and read it for yourself. You'll probably see many more important principles in there than I did. But the one that I love the best is to "radiate energy and good humor."

 

To be happy, I resolve to try to make others happy.

 

That's a New Year's Resolution that sings to me.

 

Some people have a gift for leadership. Some are administrators and organizers. Some are evangelists. Some are healers. Some are helpers. All of those are fantastic ministries - assignments that really make a difference in our world. I admire all those folks. We'd be toast without them.

 

My spiritual gift is much more humble. I'm a CHEERER-UPPER! Well, that's not EXACTLY how it's put in the Bible . . . but that's who I am . . . an encourager, an edifier, an entertainer, a party animal.

 

Cheering people up may not be that big of a help to the world. But it's what comes most naturally to me. So that's my 2012 agenda.

 

Yeah, yeah, I still have to do the dishes and the laundry, clean house and watch my spending, avoid sweets (sniff!) and do all those "meh" things we all have to do to stay afloat.

 

But looking at the year ahead of us - the blah economy, stubborn unemployment, the coarsening of our culture, public policy battles over hot potato issues, the November elections - I can see a huge need for cheering up. Can't you?

 

 

So, to get started, here's a humor column I wrote, commissioned by an exciting new magazine in the Omaha metro area, Women's Intuition. They ran this column and 100,000 women will see it. Hope you like it! (For more information on subscriptions, editorial content or advertising in this magazine, please contact editor Becki Jelinek, Editor@WIMagazine.com)

 

Happy New Year! And let's truly make it a HAPPY one! †

 

A YEAR OF LIVING LARGE

 

JANUARY: DIETING

            Place celery and carrot chunks in brown paper cups in a Russell Stover's box. Refrigerate. Snacking will seem like cheating!

 

FEBRUARY: ROMANCE

            On Feb. 1, send yourself one perfect rose with this message: "Thanks! It was wonderful!" Smile and shrug when your Beloved asks who sent it. Watch your Valentine's Day haul increase exponentially.

 

MARCH: TIME MANAGEMENT

            Tired of being kept waiting in waiting rooms? Try "planking." Lay face down on the floor. They'll notice you, and rush you right into your appointment.

 

APRIL: TAX STRATEGIES

            Gather your extra "stuff." Itemize. Haul to the IRS on April 15. Save yourself a cribbage board for jail if it doesn't work.

           

MAY: MARKETING

            Add "epic" or "legit" to every sentence about your product, and "major fail" or "brutal" in references to your competition.      

 

JUNE: DELEGATION

            If a co-worker keeps tricking you into doing their work for them, put Hello Kitty emoticons by their name on the report for the boss.

 

JULY: COMMUNICATION

Proofread, Baby . . . or defend your wily plan to drive more traffic to the customer's website by leaving out the "r" in "shirt" in the ad.

 

AUGUST: STRESS REDUCTION

            Do no work. Read the paper. Swat flies. Aiming for the executive suite? Gotta look the part.

 

SEPTEMBER: NEGOTIATION

            Make your child spend one "unplugged" hour reading, and one "unplugged" hour doing homework or chores, BEFORE spending one hour, max, with electronics. No vidiots on your watch!

 

OCTOBER: BUDGETING

            While reviewing each department's financial request, walk around with the pockets pulled out of your pants. No mon, no fun!

 

NOVEMBER: FOCUS

            Hate distractions from junk political phone calls? Purchase an airhorn at a outdoorsy store. If one of "them" calls, LET 'R RIP.

           

DECEMBER:  HUMAN RELATIONS

            Ever gotten (1) new cooking pot handles, (2) a shiny new garbage can, or (3) a fresh set of vacuum cleaner bags for Christmas? That's just wrong. Write BORSHEIM'S in shaving cream on his bathroom mirror!